Thank you for coming to Flagworth...sit back and relax...enjoy the show!
I will date myself with the following: I remember when people could smoke in movie theaters. Ok, just barely do I remember this, but nonetheless...{At this point, friends, if you have not read my rant about the fact that electromagnetic crack is cable television, please do so.} Perhaps I have a little nostalgia problem about the way the movie-going experience should be...
Etiquette is dead. No, seriously. It's dead. My excuse for not going to the movies for a very long time (in fact, I could go a year without seeing a movie) has been that I had all the cable movie channels, so why would I bother - it's eventually going to come on...Yes, I realize that I'd have to be patient for some things, but in the end, I knew that when I finally got around to watching Million Dollar Baby, it'd be a great movie.
Now that I don't have cable movies, I thought I'd go to the movies. And you probably think right now that you are going to have to listen to me rant about cell phones. You wish. So I saw The Prestige {see it, sooo worth the money} and I have to say, the cell phone transgressions were minimal. Refreshing, really, as I live in the Bronx, the home of the Yankees, selflessness, and courtesy. In fact, I dare say, the cell phone warnings were almost unnecessary for this crowd...
...the problem is: people bring their children to the movies. At a 10:15 showing {which with the commercials - a whole other fuckin problem - and the previews, the movie probably started at 11:00} there is no reason why I should have to hear someone's baby cry. Oh yeah, that's fuckin right. BABY CRYING.
I love kids. I love babies. I do not love babies in my movie theater. Is it a money thing? If you can't afford the babysitter, you can't afford the movie, do you hear me you selfish asshole? Is it a stupid thing? Do you think it's ok because it's past their bedtime and you assume that they will sleep through it? You know what they say about when people assume things...MOVIES ARE LOUD, HAVE YOU NOTICED? Oh, so the Dolby digital surround sound 6.1 was lost on you...and is that because you were too busy reaching into your blouse to take out your tit so you could breastfeed? Just because your kid was conceived in a movie theater doesn't mean that you should bring them back to the scene of the crime every chance you get.
Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. I can only hope that like airplanes, you at least had to buy a movie ticket for your drooling thumbsucker. And while we're at it, can we get those anti-terrorism scent detection systems? Because the John Madden color commentators sitting next to me smelled like old salami {I just threw up a little in my mouth} and at fuckin $10.50 a pop, they should be prevented from stinking up the place.
There. I'm done.
Etiquette is dead. No, seriously. It's dead. My excuse for not going to the movies for a very long time (in fact, I could go a year without seeing a movie) has been that I had all the cable movie channels, so why would I bother - it's eventually going to come on...Yes, I realize that I'd have to be patient for some things, but in the end, I knew that when I finally got around to watching Million Dollar Baby, it'd be a great movie.
Now that I don't have cable movies, I thought I'd go to the movies. And you probably think right now that you are going to have to listen to me rant about cell phones. You wish. So I saw The Prestige {see it, sooo worth the money} and I have to say, the cell phone transgressions were minimal. Refreshing, really, as I live in the Bronx, the home of the Yankees, selflessness, and courtesy. In fact, I dare say, the cell phone warnings were almost unnecessary for this crowd...
...the problem is: people bring their children to the movies. At a 10:15 showing {which with the commercials - a whole other fuckin problem - and the previews, the movie probably started at 11:00} there is no reason why I should have to hear someone's baby cry. Oh yeah, that's fuckin right. BABY CRYING.
I love kids. I love babies. I do not love babies in my movie theater. Is it a money thing? If you can't afford the babysitter, you can't afford the movie, do you hear me you selfish asshole? Is it a stupid thing? Do you think it's ok because it's past their bedtime and you assume that they will sleep through it? You know what they say about when people assume things...MOVIES ARE LOUD, HAVE YOU NOTICED? Oh, so the Dolby digital surround sound 6.1 was lost on you...and is that because you were too busy reaching into your blouse to take out your tit so you could breastfeed? Just because your kid was conceived in a movie theater doesn't mean that you should bring them back to the scene of the crime every chance you get.
Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. I can only hope that like airplanes, you at least had to buy a movie ticket for your drooling thumbsucker. And while we're at it, can we get those anti-terrorism scent detection systems? Because the John Madden color commentators sitting next to me smelled like old salami {I just threw up a little in my mouth} and at fuckin $10.50 a pop, they should be prevented from stinking up the place.
There. I'm done.
posted by Flagworth at 10:14 PM
1 Comments:
So far you've picked on children and cable television, possibly the two most popular pastimes in America. Going after apple pie next?
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